How Can I Feel Lonely In NYC?
Excited to live in NYC to start your new job, attend university, and get cast in a Broadway show, concerns about loneliness were not a consideration. After all, you have dreamed about this move since you were in middle school. Perhaps those people who come here to attend school, start a new job, or earn their MD at NYU School of Medicine (all of whom receive a full tuition scholarship…just saying) have access to readymade friend groups.
However, the time comes when there seems to be a mass exodus of friends from NYC. People graduate and move away due to the high cost of living. Others reluctantly decide to move when they cannot find work or earn enough money to pay the rent. Friends can feel weary of their struggles and “return to their roots"—not always a first choice.
You are faced with the realization that you may not yet have a strong social support system in the city. Many of the people you meet may have grown up in NYC and already established long-standing friend groups that can sometimes feel difficult to break into as a newcomer. You may begin to wonder whether you should return to your “home state,” the very place you once longed to leave. Before making such a decision, try to ensure that you have first exhausted meaningful efforts to address the emotional and relational difficulties contributing to these feelings. If you can commit to doing so, there is a strong possibility that you may eventually come to experience NYC as home.
Most importantly, assess whether you may be experiencing symptoms of depression. Notice whether you have begun isolating more than usual or feeling increasingly unmotivated. You may find yourself unable to experience pleasure or relief from activities and hobbies that once felt meaningful. Mood changes, irritability, worsening physical symptoms, sleep disturbances, and increased substance use can also be signs of depression. If these experiences persist or intensify, consider seeking psychological and/or medical evaluation and support. If needed, there are many low-fee and sliding-scale therapy resources available in NYC.
When you have begun to feel some symptom relief and the return of hopefulness, only then will you have access to the energy needed to participate in those events and activities that will lead to potential new friend groups. Volunteer, join a book club, become politically active, and make the effort to take advantage of the available resources the city has to offer. This process can even start with simply making a list of interests and using that as a guide to finding “your people.”
